I’ve learned something today. I began a battle against my demons about 6 months ago. I was sick of letting myself rot and wither away. I woke up one morning and proclaimed that I couldn’t take it anymore. I started working on myself by working out, running and eating better. I was on top of the world after that. Then, out of nowhere, a few weeks ago, my soul was crushed. It wasn’t caused by any sort of “incident”. I fell into soul crushing depression. I could not figure out why.
I got put on antidepressants. They made me feel like shit and not myself. I continued to work out but it wasn’t consistent. After all my hard work, I thought I had defeated my demons but I felt like I was in an even shittier place than I was when I first started my journey. I dwelled on it for days, and things that used to make me happy like nature walks and positive thinking had no effect on me.
Today, I was working out and I had a revelation. The small demons like insecurity, laziness and apathy were strong enough to take me down my entire life and that’s all that was needed to stop me for so long. Since I had started strengthening my body and my mind, those demons were too weak to get to me anymore so an even stronger demon was needed to stop me. This debilitating depression demon was strong enough for me to go to a doctor and ask about antidepressants when there was really nothing wrong in my life. ANTIDEPRESSANTS!
I properly disposed of them because that is not me. I now know that every mental obstacle I face exists solely to test my strength. It’s so clear to me how others can be annihilated by depression. It is no joke, it is scary and it happens with no warning.
There’s a raw emotion called rage and when used properly, you can steamroll the shit out of any mental adversary that dares to step foot in your happy home.
You are strong and you are loved. Never ever give up and lose faith in yourself. We are so used to this world that nothing really blows our minds anymore. We look to the stars for some type of miracle but if you would lower your head and take a look at your hands, you are the rarest miracle in the entire universe.